Maybe I’m Crazy

There’s something you should know about me.  I live in black and white.  I usually see truth very quickly.  Quite quickly and earlier than most.  It often feels like a curse because, you see, people tend to think I’m crazy.  Yep, a lunatic.  Well, to be fair, maybe they don’t really think I’m crazy but based on the way they treat me and what they say I begin to feel like I’m crazy.

There’s something in my life that God started whispering to me over a year ago.  Well, the whisper has gown louder and more persistent and now I can’t ignore it and have started talking about it.  Out loud, to other people.  So, now I feel like a crazy person.  Awesome.  Just what I always wanted.  Makes for some awkwardness on my part because I’m not 100% that I what I hear God saying is what God is really saying.  I probably have the timeline and the details a little tangled up because lets be honest, I’m human (and crazy, remember).  Anyways, I’m sharing what I think I’m hearing and continuing to process through it.

If what I hear is really what God is saying it’s going to be a long, slow, painful journey, but one that I can’t imagine not taking.   So for now I’m struggling through the dreams, the hopes, the excitement and fearing the unknown, difficulties, work, and judgement.  I’m a little exhausted from it all.  I want to know the end and start working to get there.  ha  Husband said that I need to go to God and rest and let him do the work.  Sounds so simple, I hate it.  I want to work.  I don’t want to sit and wait.  Waiting sucks.  But so does screwing things up so maybe waiting is the better option here.

Hm, there you go.  Looks like waiting wins.   So, how do I wait?  Well, it probably won’t be very pretty and I’ll probably march forward on occasion before God has to yank me back to where reality is.  Woopsies.  I’m thinking that it will be a mental war to take every thought captive.  Learning to ask in the moment for God to help me with the dreams and excitement and asking Him to confirm what He’s telling me.  Also learning to ask God to change my heart and help me to like waiting.  Whoah.  Like waiting?  We’ll see.  But, I can at least talk to God through the process and rest in letting Him work out the details, prepare the way, and move in others’ hearts.  Oh, right, that’s what He does anyways.

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.  I’m a sucky wait-er.  Looks like I’m about to get better though.

I am new.  I am being made new.

****************************************************************************************************************************

How do you best wait on God?

*****************************************************************************************************************************

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s