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What was that?

I am a horrible listener.  In my head I just have a ton to do and can’t stop.  Well, that, and the simple fact that whatever is going on in my head or life is just more important or more of a priority than you and your life.  Yikes, that’s my pride in black and white for the whole world (or 2 of you) to see.  I could pretend like I’m better than that, but a spade is a spade whether I call it that or not, right?

What?  I didn’t hear you.  =  I wasn’t actually listening or paying attention.

I am a bad listener, and apparently a liar as well.  I did hear you.  I just chose not to listen or pay attention.

I really am a bad listener.  It seems I always have something to say or do.  Of course I know its bad, but until recently I haven’t really thought about the effect that it has on other people.  It tells my husband and my girls that what they think, say, and do isn’t important.  If I’m not listening then they’ll find someone who will.  And suddenly the relationships are as good as I want them to be, mostly because I’m not listening.

So, what do I do.  I’m going to go a little RG on myself.  Why don’t I listen?  I really think that me and my stuff is more important and that if I stop then I will get behind on my schedule.  What do I really have to lose by not listening?  Ultimately at stake is my relationship with my girls and my husband.  If they don’t think I’ll listen then they’ll stop talking.  It will hurt their feelings.  They’ll have to be louder and worse and do more and more to actually get my attention.  Ugh.  And, all for the sake of my agenda, my to do list, my schedule, or my own words.

More RG…what happens if my words don’t get spoken?  What happens if my schedule gets thrown off?  What happens if my list doesn’t get done?  What happens if my agenda doesn’t get accomplished?  ha  Like those things really happen anyways.  The futility of me promoting myself when my schedule rarely gets followed, my list rarely gets done, and my words rarely mean what I think they will mean.  So, I’m really fighting for my own self when even what I’m fighting for and working so hard to maintain isn’t working and getting accomplished even when I spend most of my energy on it.  Is what I have to say and do really more important than others?  No.  But, I tend to think that they are.  What happens if my words don’t get spoken?  I am afraid of that.  I’m afraid that I’ll lose my power, importance, won’t be validated, won’t be needed, etc.  I guess I believe that my words give me power and importance and that God needs me and my words in order to accomplish things.

Truth is, God doesn’t need me or my words.

So, will I listen?  Will I give people, especially Husband and the little girls, my undivided attention?  I hope so.  When I can live in the place that my words and my agenda aren’t the most important and that the world really isn’t going to come crashing down if I stop for like 2 minutes to listen to somebody else, then I think I will listen.

So, how does it work?  It means that when a little tug is wanting me to watch and listen I actually stop and listen.  When I hear the whisper that I don’t have time to stop and instead I talk myself through it.  Is finishing the blog post, grating the cheese, etc., really so urgent that I can’t stop for 2 minutes?  Is stating my own opinion really worth it?

Let them talk. And actually listen.  Because it shows them that I love them and that they are important to me.

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When do you have the hardest time listening?

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One response »

  1. pruningprincesses

    Visiting from Mama Loves link. I am a bad listener too. I am good one on one but in a party or large group situation, I half listen and half look around for what I am going to do next. It is very rude. I need to pray before such events because I want to put others first and be fully present in the moment. Glad you are doing some introspection.

    Reply

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