Dang Promised Land Sucks

Ugh.  So, I have a sinking feeling that I am totally avoiding dealing with a fairly large topic in my life.  A while back I had this feeling, urge, or change of heart, so to speak, that could really only be attributed to one thing.  God.  So, I, being the wise girl that I am, decided that it would be a good idea to listen to what God was asking me to do and actually obey.  So, obeying started.  I was excited.  I was thrilled.  I mean, I was basically waiting for my halo.  I mean, afterall, I agreed to God’s plan AND obeyed.  But then something really not cool happened.  The obeying actually required work.  Hard work.  And it wasn’t so fun.

Here I am a few months later, still obeying and it’s sure not what I thought it would be.  There are no parades, no celebrities, no money, no glory.  I wanted glory.  I’m not getting that.  Instead it’s hard.  It’s suffering.  I’m even, dare I say, a bit miserable.  And so enters the avoiding.  I am mad at God.  This is not what I signed up for.  I’ll just avoid him and that will make it all better.

I was whining and complaining to Husband the other day.  He actually had the audacity, mid-rant, to look at me and say, “What, Israel, you don’t like your promised land?”  I knew I never should have let him go through Redemption Group.

I responded with a really godly and wise remark.  “NO, as a matter of fact, I DON’T!”.  “It’s not anything I thought it would be!”

And so the moral to the story is that when God asks us to do something that doesn’t mean it will be easy.  It may, in fact, be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do.  And, that, is where I’m at.  Now, I have to figure out how in the world to continue trusting and being in relationship with God when I’m still a little mad at Him.  I think it means I need to actually talk to him and read his Word, but I’m not sure I’m there yet.

You see, I’m still whining and crying and sulking and being miserable a little bit.  Egypt looks pretty tempting from here.  Avoiding him doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere but good and depressed though.

Ugh.  Right back where I started.


Ripple Effect

The effect the military and the war had on us will never be undone.  It’s like a ripple that never ends.  Some seasons are calmer than others and others have bigger waves, but it will always leave its mark.  Between Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, and Veterans Day we’ll never go too long without remembering and feeling the ripple continue.  It has changed us forever and we’re (mostly) grateful.  It left its impact on us and hopefully we left an impact on it…the war and the people.  The people that were with us during that time will always have a connection to us that is unexplainable.  You can’t go through something so incredibly difficult alone and I’m so grateful for the people I got to walk through it with.

Thank you to everyone who has ever served and their families and their friends.  I know that military service isn’t an individual sacrifice, it’s a family and friend sacrifice.   So, thank you.  Those two words seem so small compared to the bigness of the feelings in my heart and the bigness of what they do for us.
A brief walk down memory lane.

Women are intimidating. Or are they?

So, I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with my great friend.  It has to do with women.  You see, it seems like we, as women, tend like to convince everyone, but especially other women, that we are perfect.  There are certainly exceptions, but I think as a whole our tendency is to let everyone else think we’re really great at everything, that we have no weakness or flaws, and that they should want to be our best friend.

I’m totally guilty.  I want you to think that I’m good at everything and that I really do have it all together.  I’m going to act like I did not just yell and rush my husband and my kids to get us all dressed and ready and to whatever event we’re going to.  Dressed impeccably, if at possible.  Which isn’t really possible with a husband or girls that actually do have an opinion on what they wear and refuse to be my little dolls to dress up at my whim.  Lame, right?  They’re ruining my perfect image with their mismatched clothes and wrinkles.

Here’s the other thing, I’m not that girly.  I don’t want to be best friends with everyone.  I’m not going to every bridal shower, baby shower, or women’s event that I get invited to…mostly because they’re usually lame and I am easily bored.  If I really like you or have nothing else to do and need a break from my own kiddos then maybe I’ll come.  But, c’mon, sitting around in a group of ladies gets a little awkward and uncomfortable and the shallowness usually gets on my nerves so I’m going to take the easy way out and just skip it all together.  Besides we usually are too busy comparing ourselves to each other to really enjoy it anyways.  I don’t really need to know that I don’t measure up, that I’m not wearing the trendiest clothes, and that I’m not the wittiest, most amazing woman in the room.  I already know all those things.  Or maybe I’m the only one that does that.  In that case, you can just go ahead and tell me I’m the crazy one.

Why am I blabbing on about this?  Well, I’m pretty sure that all this has a big impact on women in the church.  We would rather have fake shallow relationships and do all the right things and look all the right ways than have actual, meaningful, deep, genuine relationships with other women.  What’s the barrier?  Our own sin.  For me, it’s what I described.  I would rather impress you and keep up my image than let you in to my real world.

Except, God’s not allowing me to do that.  I simply can’t live the lie for long.  Go ahead, ask me something real.  Something really hard.  I have a hard time not being drawn into that kind of conversation.  Truth is, I long for that kind of conversation.  I’m one of those girls that’s a really bad liar.  I want to know and be known in community.  And I can’t for the life of me get Titus 2:3 – 5 out of my head.  And as much as I’d like to pretend I’m not old…I’m pretty sure at this point in my life I’m starting to become one of the “older women”…at least to some people.  Dang age.

So, this is probably the first rant of many on having genuine, deep, impacting relationships with other women.  We’re commanded to do it.  It’s really not optional.  We all secretly want it.  So, how do we do it?


Who have you let in your life?  No holds barred, no question off limits, no time is a bad time, kinda friendship?