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Women are intimidating. Or are they?

So, I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with my great friend.  It has to do with women.  You see, it seems like we, as women, tend like to convince everyone, but especially other women, that we are perfect.  There are certainly exceptions, but I think as a whole our tendency is to let everyone else think we’re really great at everything, that we have no weakness or flaws, and that they should want to be our best friend.

I’m totally guilty.  I want you to think that I’m good at everything and that I really do have it all together.  I’m going to act like I did not just yell and rush my husband and my kids to get us all dressed and ready and to whatever event we’re going to.  Dressed impeccably, if at possible.  Which isn’t really possible with a husband or girls that actually do have an opinion on what they wear and refuse to be my little dolls to dress up at my whim.  Lame, right?  They’re ruining my perfect image with their mismatched clothes and wrinkles.

Here’s the other thing, I’m not that girly.  I don’t want to be best friends with everyone.  I’m not going to every bridal shower, baby shower, or women’s event that I get invited to…mostly because they’re usually lame and I am easily bored.  If I really like you or have nothing else to do and need a break from my own kiddos then maybe I’ll come.  But, c’mon, sitting around in a group of ladies gets a little awkward and uncomfortable and the shallowness usually gets on my nerves so I’m going to take the easy way out and just skip it all together.  Besides we usually are too busy comparing ourselves to each other to really enjoy it anyways.  I don’t really need to know that I don’t measure up, that I’m not wearing the trendiest clothes, and that I’m not the wittiest, most amazing woman in the room.  I already know all those things.  Or maybe I’m the only one that does that.  In that case, you can just go ahead and tell me I’m the crazy one.

Why am I blabbing on about this?  Well, I’m pretty sure that all this has a big impact on women in the church.  We would rather have fake shallow relationships and do all the right things and look all the right ways than have actual, meaningful, deep, genuine relationships with other women.  What’s the barrier?  Our own sin.  For me, it’s what I described.  I would rather impress you and keep up my image than let you in to my real world.

Except, God’s not allowing me to do that.  I simply can’t live the lie for long.  Go ahead, ask me something real.  Something really hard.  I have a hard time not being drawn into that kind of conversation.  Truth is, I long for that kind of conversation.  I’m one of those girls that’s a really bad liar.  I want to know and be known in community.  And I can’t for the life of me get Titus 2:3 – 5 out of my head.  And as much as I’d like to pretend I’m not old…I’m pretty sure at this point in my life I’m starting to become one of the “older women”…at least to some people.  Dang age.

So, this is probably the first rant of many on having genuine, deep, impacting relationships with other women.  We’re commanded to do it.  It’s really not optional.  We all secretly want it.  So, how do we do it?

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Who have you let in your life?  No holds barred, no question off limits, no time is a bad time, kinda friendship?

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4 responses »

  1. I’d add that I think it’s challenging in situations like showers/women’s events if you’re an introvert. Those situations make me sweat (a lot, and I’m a sweaty beast anyway—-dang hormones!). I worry I won’t have anyone to chat with, or that someone will see me and feel obligated to talk to me to keep me from sitting by myself. I worry that I’ll have to struggle through lots of really superficial conversations, and I’m SO not comfortable in that place. I just can’t shoot the shit with people—-I’m no good at it. I want to really “know” people, I want to dig in deep and put down some roots rather than mingle—ick! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Okay, so you really have me fired up after reading this post. I so totally agree with you. I absolutely can’t stand the way we do showers etc. I don’t like the way we compare ourselves to each other. I so want real connection. It feels like everyone is scared to talk about the real stuff. Because the real stuff doesn’t look very nice. I think I shall take some time to look at this stuff myself since my blood pressure just skyrocketed. 🙂

    Reply
    • Ooooh, how I would love to have a real conversation (in person) with you about this! I think we would have a great time and actually grow coming out of a conversation that was gut-wrenching about the impact that other women in the church have had on us. Dang I want to come to PA…now to convince my husband.

      Reply
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