Husbands, You’re Welcome.

Wives, you might just thank me too.

Warning: If you’re related to me, not married, or for whatever other reason you’re not supposed to be thinking about sex you might want to skip this post.  Proceed at your own risk.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Really, I warned you.

Moving on.  In a recent post I talked about making a new rule that Valentine’s gifts to your husband (or wife for the guys out there) relate to the bedroom.  I’m going to expand on that a little.  There are lots of things at any price range and I want to give you a few good ideas.  Some field tested and some not.

Lingerie.  This is a given, right?  But it can be a little pricey, especially if you’re a brand loyal girl like I am.  Trust me on this one.  Victoria’s Secret makes a lot of money for good reason.  If you’ve never bought from them and have the cash…splurge on buying something from VS.  It’ll be worth it.  It will fit well and hold up, pun intended, and it’s made to last a long time.

Silk boxers for him.

Your favorite chocolates.

Astroglide.  If you only take one thing away from this post, please let it be this one.  Throw that nasty KY crap away and go buy Astroglide.  This has been field tested by many army men.  They have a lot of sex, folks and they know what they’re talking about on this one.  Trust me, this comes highly recommended.  If you’re too embarrassed to buy it from the store, Amazon has it.  If not, get yourself on over to “the Wal-mart”.  Less than $7 I think.  There’s even a natural version now.  You have no excuse not to get this before Valentine’s Day.  Go.To.The.Store.Now.

Mentos mints.

Fine wine.  A little dust…  Gets sweeter with time.  Name that song.  Anybody??

Whipped cream.

Good stash of gum, mints, breath strips, and mouthwash.

New condoms if you go that route.  New towels if you don’t.

Satin sheets.

Young children at home…sound machine.  We have this one and this one.

A new candle.  Or ten.

If you don’t like my list you’re on your own.  And maybe you should talk to someone.  Seriously, those are some good ideas.  If you can’t even find one, email me, talk to a friend, you may have something going on.  Process through it so that Valentine’s Day won’t be so awkward.  I heard once that Christians ought to be having the best and most sex out of everybody.  Lets enjoy God’s gift and piss Satan off in the process.  He’s declared war on marriage and I say it’s high time we fight back, by getting naked.

Disclaimer: No store or company paid me to write these statements and opinions.  But I wish they had.  Then I’d have more money than I do now.

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I’m almost afraid to ask, but here goes, what would you add to this list?

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5 thoughts on “Husbands, You’re Welcome.

  1. So. We tried the natural version of Astroglide. I wanted to like it, I really did, but it sucks. Errr….or something. Anyway. It’s not nearly as “glidey” as the original. But yes, Astroglide, hands down, it’s the best. Ashley says the foam is better than the gel stuff. IDK—haven’t tried it. Yet. 🙂

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  2. alicia

    I also second the Astroglide comment, it works wonders. I’ve also found some good deals on cute undies at Target for relatively the same price as VS. Also, Don’t forget to set the mood with some music, it helps the awkward pauses and moments pass a little easier. Trust me, I’m the queen of Awkward 🙂

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  3. I also agree with that Julia chick, she sounds hot. Apparently, Astroglide makes a strawberry flavored version, in case that interests you, and Walgreens carries it, just nowhere I’ve found locally. 😥

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  4. mom

    Just to up the awkward factor …..my gyno told me one of the best things to use is olive oil. Yep–that’s right–the stuff in your kitchen cabinet. Relatively cheap and all natural!

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