What was the deal?
I’m going to go a little Redemption Group here because ultimately that’s what I had to do.
Let go back to June – July 2012. I had a 4.5 year old and 2.5 year old. Things were settling down and getting more doable. I was starting to think about what I would do when Hannah-banana was in pre-k in the mornings and it was just Leah-bear & I. And in only one more year Hannah-banana would be in Kindergarten all day and Leah-bear would be in preschool.
Ah, I could breathe again. I was getting my life back. And I really liked the thought of that.
Why did I not want to get pregnant again? Why did I not want to have another baby? Well, God revealed my selfish little lazy heart and it wasn’t pretty. The truth was that it would certainly be painful and exhausting and I would have to sacrifice my schedule and my time and my life and my needs and my desires. For Chad. For the baby. For God. The absolute bottom line was that I didn’t want to sacrifice myself to have another baby.
I mean c’mon, everyone knows that having a baby changes things. But no one really tells you that your daily life (as a woman) will change more than your husband’s will. Yep, that’s right. His life will change, but not like yours will. You’re tied to that baby, making sure every decision from laundry soap to breastfeeding to what schedule or method to use in feeding and sleeping and what decisions on most of the routine stuff is yours. Moms are responsible for a huge amount of the parenting.
You’ll have to ask to take a shower. You have to ask to leave the house child-free. And when you do leave the house you still have to make sure that the baby is cared for, all the right foods, snacks, drinks, diapers, pj’s, and anything else that baby needs is set out, prepared, and ready to go. It’s a lot of work to just leave the house. You have to make sure that the baby & kids are at all times accounted for and left in safe hands. You have to prepare meals for another little person and don’t even think about all the additional laundry and work you’ll have to do. Gone are the carefree days of no children.
And I was selfish and lazy and scared to give up my life and my almost freedom for the pain and suffering of pregnancy, childbirth, and the newborn stage.
I didn’t want to do it. **Foot stomp and yelling** And you CAN’T MAKE ME!