We Fight Hard

Fight Club.  It’s this crazy little thing that we do at Trailhead.  Men do it.  And we wanted in on the action.

I absolutely love my fight club.  I think that fight clubs can seriously help change lives.  Only Jesus changes hearts, lets be clear about that.  It takes a little community, a kick in the pants occasionally, a freaking ton of encouragement, a beer or two, some ice cream and sugar, a lot of life, and a lot of talk to help the heart changed by Jesus make its way to the outside and stick.

It seems like this crazy secret non-equation kind of thing.  A little on the ethereal side.  And in a way it kind of is.  It’s mostly just Jesus changing hearts.  The Holy Spirit counseling us.  And God orchestrating people into a fight club that has the right connection.

I’m gonna let you in on how we roll.  This is how me and my girls work.  This is how we fight.

There are three of us.  (Three is ideal, four could work.)

Our husbands are also in a fight club together.  This works well so that husbands and wives can’t leave things out.  We integrate life and fight club (meals together, events together, and general life together).

Nothing is off limits.  Seriously, nothing.  We can ask any question of each other and discuss any topic.

Sometime we just hang out.  We once took a road trip (and by road trip, I mean 30 minutes) to Victoria’s Secret and bought lingerie.  We take fighting for our marriages very seriously.

We like to meet every other week.  Weekly, every other week, or monthly could work…depending on your group.  Some seasons are easier than others to be consistent, but we do make fight club a priority.  Logistics vary depending on the week.

We serve each other.  Keep each others kids.  Work on each others cars.  Sew for each other.  Etc, etc. etc.

Everybody talks at every meeting.  We dive right in.  Don’t start with the lightweight stuff.  Go straight to your biggest sin or biggest hurt.

No giving advice.  The goal is to ask heart questions that go to the root sin.  Ask questions about God’s character, about what is true, about what God’s word says, about the lies that we’re believing, or any question that Holy Spirit leads you to.

No pushing Scripture.  Yep, you read that right.  The goal is not behavior modification and if you start pushing Scripture as a way to force me to change I’m going to want to throw the Bible at your face.  Please do not use the Word of God as a method for changing my behavior or proving me wrong.

(Getting out box.  Climbing on box.  Soap box declaration, loud and clear:   There is a surefire way to instantly anger me and that is using Bible verses as a means to an end.  A lot of legalistic old school churches use this methodology and I have a serious sore spot for it.  Please for the love of God (literally) DO NOT give me a Bible verse and send me on my way to shame me into “memorizing this verse and change my behavior”.  If I could change my own heart and behavior by memorizing something I WOULD HAVE ALREADY DONE IT, folks!  Only Jesus changes hearts.  ONLY JESUS CHANGES HEARTS!  He can and absolutely will use his Holy word to do it.  But you preaching and forcing memorization and unrelated verses on people will not change hearts.  Possible soap box end.)

Use Scripture.  There is a fine balance in using Scripture that the Holy Spirit leads you to and pushing Bible verses on someone.  (Soap box again: Please remember that just because God uses a certain verse for you in a given situation does NOT mean that he will use the same verse for someone else in an apparent similar situation.)  I do believe that His truth will set us free and if he is leading you to a passage of Scripture for someone then by all means share it and pray that God will open their heart to his true words.  We absolutely point each other to Scripture and to truth.

Once a quarter or every 6 months (if your group is husbands/wives) we meet altogether.  This gives me an opportunity to say, hey guys, is Husband bringing “_________” issue to you?  It’s sort of a check-and-balance among the group.

Jesus changed heart.  That’s what we love.  That’s why we fight.

It’s hard freaking work.  We are broken.  We cry.  A LOT.  Every time in fact.  We are new.  We are being made new.  Fight clubs help us to sort through things in the loving caring supporting trusting fighting truth-giving grace-showing bounds of a tight community.

Seriously, Jesus changes hearts.  Hearts that I wasn’t sure could be changed…like my own heart.  Fight clubs are seriously painful and amazing and healing.  You should get one.


What 2 people come to your mind?  Are you scared to death to ask them?  Sweating, nervous, cringing?  Probably means you should ask them to fight with you.  (You might want to send this this link so they don’t accidentally take you to a dark basement and punch you in the face though.)



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