Ready or Not

I’ve been feeling it all week.  I knew it was coming.  And now it’s here.  My little H’s first day of kindergarten.  We got up in plenty of time.  Got her lunch packed, backpack ready, first day pictures taken, loaded up the car, and taken to school.  She was so excited!  She’s in class with her best friend from last year and she couldn’t be more thrilled.  Good luck, Teacher.  😉

I mean, who doesn’t LOVE kindergarten?  It’s pretty much the best grade.  EVER.  Although she’s not impressed by the thought of having to do crafts.  She is certain that they’ll be way too hard for her and so she’s just going to hate it in advance.  I can totally relate.

So, if I know she’s going to love it and do great at it and I’m going to enjoy the break, why is it so freaking hard?

I going to miss her.  For the past 3 1/2 years (and more before that) I’ve spent almost every day with her.  It’s been my job to do things for her and teach her.  Now there’s another woman.  That blasted “other woman”.  Suddenly, someone else has a tremendous amount of influence in her life and will be teaching her things and experiencing things with her.  Um, that kinda sounds like my job.  I’m not sure I’m ready to give it up to a lady that I met just a few days ago and have had all of 4 minutes conversation with.

Oh, and did I mention that kids are mean.  They’re going to hurt her little feelings and make her cry.  My umbrella of protection and control just shrunk considerably.  And I don’t think I like it.

You see up until now, I’ve been able to choose what I want to do for her, how I want to help her, train her, who she spends her time with, and who her friends are.  I could do a lot to protect her and prevent things proactively.  Now, it’s going to be more of a pick-the-pieces-up-after-they-crash sort of thing.

I lost a lot of control today.  I suppose that’s good and bad, but mostly just part of it.  I guess this is why God lets us do this in small steps.  I mean, shoot, my aunt has to drop her baby off in a different town, at a different house (aka dorm), with all new people, and basically no control.  Ugh, that’s sounds like a horror flick to me right now.  Maybe kindergarten isn’t so scary.

Maybe it’s another reminder that she’s not mine.  And that God loves her more than I ever will.  Do I trust his story for her (and for me) more than I trust my own for her life (and my life)?  His umbrella is bigger than mine ever was.

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PS – (Less than an hour to go and I can officially say I we made it through the day!)

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3 thoughts on “Ready or Not

  1. Chase Abner

    Our oldest started kindergarten mid-July (they’re on a year-round calendar). You have expressed well what we felt in our house… and continue to feel. I spend an inordinate amount of my day just wondering what he’s doing… how he acts when we’re not around… worrying about whether or not he’s treated fairly. Hard stuff!

    But your last paragraph nails it. I hope I can believe those things and not just say they’re true.

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  2. Aunt Denice

    And now your aunt is crying. 😦 One more week for me. I just keep trying to remember all the people who have done this and survived plus all the people who wish they had the opportunity to do just what I’m going to do next week. Thanks for reminding me again that God loves him more than I do and has incredible plans for his life!

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  3. mom

    Your little H is going to be great! She’s had great training so far. I remember all the feelings you described–when I sent YOU to Kindergarten! And look how well that turned out. Hehe. I’m so proud of you. You do an awesome job with your girls! Love you lots!

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