Heartbroken tonight over loss. A very recent loss of a childhood friend.
I am reminded of the loss that many felt on 9/11. And the loss that many have felt in the years following. Loss of soldiers, firefighters, police, medical personnel, and many other first responders on that day…and those that have carried on the fight in the years afterward.
This is a day that triggers a lot in our house. It triggers memories, pain, helplessness, sleeplessness, and things we don’t even understand. It impacts us still…years later. It affects us in deep ways. It has caused us to become numb to the pain that we should feel and to keep our guard up to protect ourselves against further pain.
It is so hard to look in the face of loss and not be affected. I often feel helpless and hopeless against the evil, pain, sorrow, despair, tragedy, and even the toil of daily life that this world brings. This world sucks in so many ways. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by what this world is and forget who Jesus is and what He did. It’s easy to desensitize myself against those around me so that if (and when) the time comes that I lose them that it won’t hurt so bad. A lie at it’s best.
Today, the loss brought a new trigger. If I don’t allow the Gospel to enter into this place then what good is the Gospel that I say I cling to. Today, it was the only hope I had. Hope that things won’t always be this way. Hope that evil won’t always have free reign. Hope that I can feel and love those around me without fearing the someday pain of losing them. Hope that when Jesus said we are new, that we really are new and that we are continually being made new. Hope that His story is one of redemption, love, grace, truth, and that one day…things.will.NOT.be.this.way.
Hope that He feels our sorrow, our pain, our disappointment, our hurt, our fear, and all that we feel. Hope that His truth and grace and love can bring peace and comfort and HOPE to this world. Hope that He is who He says He is and that He will do what He said He will do. I have hope in Him.
It was a long day filled with tears, desperate prayers, memories, many stairs (9/11 Memorial Climb), anxiety, and yet, HOPE. It took many moments of refocusing my thoughts and redirecting them back to Jesus and the hope that He offers. Many times of reminding myself of the Gospel, that this world is full of sin (mine at the top of the list), His plan of redemption, the cross that Jesus endured, and the hope that He offers that this world is not our home. It takes His truth to combat the lies that I’m so easily tempted to believe. It takes His love and comfort to combat the fears and pain that I usually allow to reign.
His Gospel is a new trigger of hope. And today, it’s a hope that He is here even on the painful days.