It stopped me in my tracks tonight. I feel loved. Absolutely loved by the God of the universe. That’s crazy talk. Kairos moment.
The anxiety has subsided. I’ve been able to listen more. I’ve been reading my Bible app. And, who knew…if you actually read the Bible on a fairly consistent basis, it actually works. I mean, for real. I actually hear more of God. I’m able to see Him working…around me and in me. I, mean, it’s like it does what He said it would do. I know, I know, I can tell you all the live long day, but you won’t believe it til you do it yourself. And the thing is…the ball is in your court. You have to actually do it. Read it. Open the book or the app, your choice. And, He’ll help you. For reals. (And add me on your YouVersion…it’s like facebook with Jesus and Bible verses.)
Anyways, all that to say, tonight I got it. Over the last few days when I should have “gotten in trouble”, in my opinion, instead I saw love. I mean, unconditional love from God, from people, actual gifts from people…2 books I’ve been dying to have! Good conversations (my love language) and lovely laughs and what we like to say in church talk…good community.
Thank goodness for Jesus and his people.
I know that the giver of good gifts showed up in my life…through His word, life, and his people. And, you guys, it.was.awesome.
I wish I could bottle this up and give it to you. And also that I could keep it for myself for the next time I’m all anxiety ridden having a panic attack, but I don’t think it works that way. Because then, lets be honest, we’d all get greedy and hoard it and keep it just for ourselves.
But this is when the rubber hits the road, folks. This is when I get all stupid. #igotthis #iamawesome #idonotneedgodoranyone #imakethingshappen #iwin
And then I slowly stop needing God. And I stop reading my Bible app.
This is when I do what I do. I start doing my deal and living out of my goodness. I start living like I’m doing all the great things and wanting people to think I’m all great so then God sees and He’ll think I’m all great because the people think I’m all great. Except all the people don’t, apparently, think I’m great. And also, apparently, that’s not why God thinks I’m great. I keep doing it backwards. And I start feeling all the pressure. And I start down a path that I don’t really like…with panic attacks and yelling and worry and a lot of hateful words and stressful nights.
So, today…I am going to engage. Keep engaging God, his word, and his people. And carpe diem the best moments…being thankful for the kairos moments that I get. (google momastery for the story) I’m going to be grateful. I’m going to be loved and live out of that. Because my backwards way…really sucks.
To those of you in my life…thank you. I love my people. #mypeoplearethebest #andsoismyjesus