One Word…Peace Sucks

So, I read about this whole thing.  Well, actually I sort of stalk my Aunt on YouVersion and she read the plan, so I copied her.  #givecreditwherecreditisdue  #yesmyauntisawesome

Well, I knew pretty quickly what my word was.  God may as well have shouted it…peace.  I pretty much have zero of it these days.  I’m a type A kinda girl and I’ve been given a type B kinda plan for the next year (ok, well forever, if we’re being honest).  I have very little peace these days and it’s not exactly working out well for me…or those around me.  #fail

A few years ago I was going through something super painful and was in a world of hurt and anger and despair over it.  Looking back, the despair may have been an exaggeration, but it sure felt like it at the time.  There’s a possibility that I’m a bit of an extremist when it comes to my emotions…which makes me either super fun or super miserable to be around.  #truestoryfolks  Well, anyways, I took to running and praying to get me through the hurt and unknown territory and also some good friends walked me through it. #andsomedaystheycarriedme  As I was running, literally, God began to teach me to pray through it.  I prayed over and over and over and over, I can’t even tell you how many times, “God, give me grace and take away the pain.”  I began to pray that simple phrase over and over anytime I got stuck on the pain and hurt and couldn’t get my head or heart to move on.

And over time, He did.  #shockingIknow #Godisactuallyfaithful  He taught me how to pray and how to get my head to move and eventually my heart moved too.  Now, I believe that God is the changer of hearts…because I’ve tried and can’t quite seem to muster it.  (And also, I learned it on Frozen, “The heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded.)”  I believe that God honored my prayer.  My prayer was, in part, to have grace on the person that hurt me and to take away my own pain in the process.

So…peace.  Peace sucks.  It’s so hard.  And, truth be told, I don’t like it.  If I have peace it means that I relinquish (“it’s just a fancy word for lose”…name that show??) my control and fear and effort, and let God have it and trust him with it all.  That’s pretty much a no go for me because my motto is pretty much “I got this”.  (And also, #idontneedyou)  But it turns out when I do it my way, all I get in return is anxiety, stress, tension headaches, anger, and yelling (and sometimes a few extra pounds from the ice cream and rum…but not together).  #andthatsucksworse  So I guess I’m about to decide that what I’m doing and what I’m getting is actually a worse deal than the peace of Jesus might be.  #brilliantiknow  #slowlearner

Over the last few days when I feel like peace is nowhere in sight and I’m about to have a grade A, full 0n, adult meltdown, I’ve started praying “God, give me peace and help me breathe deep.”

This is where I boss you around a little bit.  #itsmyblog #icanifiwantto  It’s not enough to choose a word or a resolution of many words or, heaven help you, more than one resolution.  You’re gonna need help.  #youcantdoitalone  You need God and you need people.

So what’s your prayer gonna be?  Better decide now before shit hits the fan and your little word is out the window and you’re back to all your old habits.  #yourmindisnotgonnaretrainitself

Who are your people gonna be?  Find you some good people that are gonna help walk you through it.  #pickthestrongonesbecauseatsomepointtheywillhavetocarryyou

But trust me, it’s better this way.  Better with Jesus.  And better with people.

#notsorryforallthehashtags  #ilovehashtags #narratingyourownstoryisawesome