I Might as Well be Gay

I feel the need to preface this post by reminding you that I’m no theologian.  I have no degree or formal training.  I am, however, a believer with the Holy Spirit as my counsel.  I have been given a brain and a heart and I believe God intended for me to use them.  I have thoughts and questions and concerns just like all humans.  All that to say that I’m both unqualified and qualified, at the same time, to discuss the subject matter at hand.  You should also know that I’ve taken my nighttime meds and I’m drinking my sleepy time tea so if I ramble or seem drowsy it’s because I am.  And I figure as smart as the internet world is I better just state that up front because they’ll know if I’m drowsy while typing this.  I mean, after all, the internet world knows everything.  And gosh, can you imagine the fury of internetland if they find out I’m typing while tired.

So, I’m sure you’re probably wondering where this is going.  Is SarahFae gay?  Well, no, I’m not.  But I might as well be.  And you might as well be too.  Unless of course, you don’t sin.  Then you won’t be.  People get all up in arms about people who are gay, or I’ll just use the acronym LGBT, which you should google if you don’t know what that means.

Well, there’s something that you should know about me.  I’m a yeller.  I’m angry and controlling.  I like to get my way and I’m pretty prideful.  And to my knowledge, I’ve always been this way.  Or at least since I was of sound mind and could think and reason for myself.  I mean, shoot, Hannah got a bus write-up last week and I couldn’t let it go.  Could.not.let.it.go.  It wasn’t enough for me to just talk to Hannah about it and sort through it with her.  Nope.  Not good enough.  I had to push the issue with the principal that they didn’t handle the procedures right when she got in trouble.  I mean, there simply should not be kids getting sent to the principal over bus write-ups when the bus driver didn’t first issue a verbal warning and try to handle it himself first.  He didn’t follow proper protocol.  That’s the problem here.  Let’s focus on that.  Oh, and also on the fact that when we approved the handbook pages at the beginning of the year they made us sign the pages that had the rules and guidelines on it so now I don’t have the information I need to tell Hannah what will happen if/when she gets in trouble on the bus again.  So, I also felt it necessary to ask the principal if they could change the handbook procedures so that next year we get to keep the pages with the rules and guidelines instead of turning them in.  All I had to do was remind Hannah that we don’t hit other kids on the bus.  And teach her the lesson that, even if you weren’t standing while doing it and the other person was, you’re now guilty by association.  You guys, I’m ridiculous.  I literally couldn’t let it go that their procedures were wrong and clearly inefficient and obviously other people weren’t doing their job properly.  #mykidstartedit #howdaretheydotheirjobwrong  #iwillwin  As you can clearly see, I’m a prideful sinner who doesn’t like her kids to get in trouble because it might make me look bad.  But I digress.

My point is that I think we all have sin tendencies.  We tend to sin more in some areas than in others…note, mine is control, anger, and yelling.  #alwayshasbeen #notanewdevelopment  And yet, I have prayed and begged and read Scripture and asked for help and had accountability and tried working through it with people around me…to no avail.  I still struggle with control, anger, yelling, and pride.  I love Jesus.  I don’t like my sin…well, some days I don’t.  Some days I like it just fine and enjoy going off on people.  I don’t always work on it.  I sin.  I have deep paths in my brain that go straight to anger, control, and yelling as my go to response.  I have carved out those sin paths over years and years.  And as of yet, I can’t figure out how to be different.  I think I was made this way.  I certainly came into this world a sinner.  Maybe you didn’t and that’s why you don’t understand the struggle.  It’s hard to be an angry yelling person for your whole life and not really have hope for change.  And, gasp, even worse, to sometimes like it.  But you’re probably different than me…better than me even.

So what makes my sin different than someone that is gay?  What makes the heterosexual couple engaging in premarital sex different?  What makes the heterosexual couple where one of them is addicted to porn different?  What makes a remarriage different (hello, adultery)?  What about the marriage that starts with an alcoholic…continuing to be drunk daily?  What about the marriage where…wait a minute, I see what’s happening…doesn’t every single marriage begin in sin?  I mean, I have yet to meet any marriage that doesn’t start with sin…because you can’t take two sinners and have them get married and expect no sin.  And then, wait for it…that same marriage continues in sin.  I guess the church just likes alcoholics, yellers, demeaners, porn addicts, sex addicts, sex-before-marriage people…and on and on…people better than it does LGBT people.

When was the last time your church told some of those other types of sinners they weren’t welcome?  That they couldn’t serve, be greeters, teach Sunday School, lead a community group?  Do we truly welcome LGBT people, wherever they are on their faith journey into our communities?  Because try as you may to say that we do…I’m gonna say, “Hell no, we don’t”.  It’s time to call a spade a spade.  And you know what church, when does the church get mad?  Uh, maybe when it gets accused of something that it doesn’t want to acknowledge.  Now, people have twisted this ridiculous Jen Hatmaker thing (here’s the original interview) into something absurd.  I get it, I’m a truth fighter…on the truth and grace scale…I’m like 90% truth, so don’t think I don’t know how you feel.  But the reality is that church is getting called out on the way we treat LGBT communities and instead it wants to fight its own on what Jen said.  I mean, I hear ya…my response was to fight the bus driver and principal and procedures instead of focusing on my own kid.  I’ll be the pot and you be the kettle. #iamoneofyou

But, how about maybe looking ourselves in the faces and asking where the kindness of Jesus is?  Where are we showing up for the LGBT people we say we love and would welcome in?  How about instead of being assholes about what Jen said, we actually act like the Jesus we say we love?  How many of us have sang the words, “It’s your kindness Lord that draws us to repentance” (song by Chris Tomlin, Kindness) or “Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in” (song by Big Daddy Weave, My Story)?  And yet, now, how kind are we towards Jen or the next one that doesn’t share our exact theological beliefs?  Are we really just going to keep throwing our own to the damn wolves?  And, shhhh, here’s a little secret…some of our own are the wolves.  They look like sheep, but they’re leading us astray and we’re just letting them.  #whatarewedoing???

Gosh, guys, I can’t imagine why the lost don’t want to be part of us.  Shocking, really.  Sad that they don’t know how amazing Jesus is because all they can see and hear is us fighting and being jerks.

I guess I say all this to say…there’s a lot of gray in the world and in the Word.  And maybe we can learn to live in the gray and be ok.  Better yet, be kind and loving and generous and gracious and, oh yeah, like Jesus.

#whatifyouarewrong  #whatifsheisright #whatifwewerentassholesanymore #howmanyhashtagscaniuse #internetlandbenice #ireallydolovejesus